Chapter 11. The Laundry Saga

Laundry during our holidays: it’s about Sam filling a bucket with water from the St-Lawrence river and frenetically dancing, jumping and stomping …in the bucket. Rinse and repeat. Hang around the boat. Et voila!

 

PLOUF!

 

-Sam, I dropped a clothe pin in the water. I was sure it would float, but it didn’t. I can see it in the bottom; isn’t it crazy how clear the water is in Valleyfield! See, there is a big fish who’s hoping to make his dinner out of the clothe pin! Hi fishy!!
-Cass, we cannot afford losing clothe pins! We don’t have enough.
-I know, I know… I reply quite unfocussed. STILL SAM! Did you see how BIG is that fish!
-Cass. Look around you, we have 1 million diapers to hang with 18 clothe pins.
-Ok ok! We love our clothe pins, I muttered.

 

Happy that I finally understand his concern about the little amount of clothe pins we own, Sam is just about to get inside the boat when I shout :

 

-SAM!!!! Check this out! Hahaha! The fish is pushing the clothe pin with his fin! I mean next time we try to fish, I say that we forget about worms and we use a cl..

-Cass! We. Keep. ALL. The. F**. Clothe. Pins.

 

A week past and we were just about to arrive again in Valleyfield. Playing with the kids, I heard Sam shouting from outside the boat:

 

-Cass, we are arriving at the service dock!

 

At that very second, it started to smell like crap in the boat. Matey smiles like he didn’t care about his masto-poop. It was a bad timing because usually, I go outside to help docking the boat. Sam will have to handle the boat like a captain (which he did!).

 

<Minute 1. Laundry count = 1 Diaper(s), 5 wipes, 1 changing piqué>

 

While I changed Matey in turbo speed,  I wished Salty was next to me. I would have ask her to pinch my nose. Speaking of which: how come does it still smells so bad even after the boy is now all clean and fresh…

 

-Salty…is there a poop in your pantie?
-Nooooo…

 

Of course there was a big numero dos. Not any. It had completely EXPLODED. The type of moment that makes you regret your enthusiasm for the Mexican meal of the day before.

 

<Minute 5. Laundry count = 1 Underwear, 1 Diaper(s), 11 wipes, 3 changing piqués, 1 pair of pants, 1 pair of socks(how come…?), 1 tshirt, 2 rags>

 

After the kids were changed, we all got off the boat. We’re not allowed to stay on the boat while an employee is filling the diesel tank.

 

PPRRRRRR……..

 

What is that sound?

 

PPRRRRRR……..

 

It’s Matey who starts to push and fart.(Really!? How is that even possible to store all that inside such a little human?!)

 

He cries very unhappy. Such a bad timing because we cannot go inside to get him a new diaper. At least I thought of bringing him a snack:

 

-Don’t worry, Mommy will change you soon! There, there, Matey! Take some milk in the meantime…theerrrreee.
-Da..! DA!!!

 

He drinks frenetically. That calms him until we can go back inside. I rush to Salty’s bedroom to reach for a new diaper on the shelve and change him right there.

 

<Minute 11. Laundry count = 1 Underwear, 2 Diaper(s), 15 wipes, 4 changing piqué, 2 pair of pants, 1 pair of socks, 1 tshirt, 3 rags, 1 cass shirt (because of a leakage in his pants… – yuk!)>

 

Now, if you think laundry piles up quickly, read well that part of the story.

 

At that moment, a speed boat passed quite fast and made big waves. The boat started to rock and Matey became greenish.

 

-BLLUUUURRRRrrrrpppp…!!!

 

He threw up : On his shirt, on his legs, on my shirt, on my legs, on the bed blankets of Salty’s bed. There is nothing I didn’t use to clean up the mess: piqués, rags, table clothes, blankets (the one not soiled), handkerchieves, more rags.

 

<Minute 16. Laundry count = 1 Underwear, 3 Diaper(s), 21 wipes, 6 changing piqué, 3 pair of pants, 1 pair of socks, 1 tshirt, 8 rags, 1 cass shirt, 1 matey’s shirt, 1 cass pair of pant, 1 cass pair of shoe, 1 bedsheet, 1 fitted sheet, 1 blanket, 1 sleeping bag, 3 table clothes, 2 unfortunate plush toys.>

 

Who taught so much laundry would happen in a single 16 minutes!

That afternoon, laundry duty was on the menu. When we finished, I concluded on a positive note:

 

-LOOK AT THAT! We had the exact amount of clothe pins we needed to hang all of that saga with the new pack you bought at the Dollarstore. BOOM! No need to stress about buying yet another pack. It didn’t worth it as well to school me about dropping a clothe pin to my good friend Mr.Fishy Fish the other day. 🙂

 

We’re interrupted by Salty screaming:

 

-Mommyyyyyy!!!!

-What honey?

-I peed in my pantie.

 

…Damn it… we are officially short on clothe pins. And Sam is officially right, which is  annoying.

 

He raises his eyebrows and concludes for good with a smile:

 

-Oh Cass… call your friend Mr.Fishy Fish, would you? You think, he would be willing to swim over here and lend us his clothe pin?