Chapitre 11. Une saga de lessive

Le lavage durant nos vacances: ça consiste pas mal à Sam qui remplis un sceau avec l’eau du Fleuve et qui danse et … saute frénétiquement dedans. Suspendre autour du bateau. Et voilà!

 

PLOUF!

 

-Sam, j’ai échappé une épingle à linge dans l’eau. Je pensais que ça flotterait, mais pas pantoute, je la vois même dans le fond de l’eau. C’est vraiment fou à quel point l’eau est claire à Valleyfield! Eye! Ya un gros poisson qui veut la manger comme dîner. Salut poisson-poisson!!
-Cass, on peut pas se permettre de perdre des épingles à linge! On en a pas assez.
-Je sais, je sais… je réponds sans trop focusser sur ce qu’il dit. MAIS TSÉ SAM! As-tu vu à quel point il est IMMENSE ce poisson-là?
-Cass. Regarde autour de toi, on a 1 million de couches à faire sécher avec 18 épingles à linge.
-Ok ok! on aime nos épingles à linge…

 

Content que je comprenne finalement la gravité de ne pas avoir assez d’épingles, Sam est tout juste en train d’entrer dans le bateau quand je crie:

 

-SAM!!!! Viens voir ça!!! Hahaha! Le poisson pousse l’épingle à linge avec sa nageoire! Sérieux, la prochaine fois qu’on veut pêcher, moi je dis, on oublie les vers de terre pis on met une épi…

-Cass! ON. GARDE. TOUTES. LES. PUTAINS. D’ÉPINGLE. À. LINGE.

 

Une semaine passa. De retour à Valleyfield, on était sur le point d’arriver à la marina. Je jouais avec les enfants à l’intérieur quand j’entendis Sam de l’extérieur:

 

-Cass, on arrive au quai de service dans 30 secondes!

 

Au même instant, ça commence à sentir la mort dans le bateau. Matey sourit, un masto-caca ne change rien à son humeur. C’était quand même un mauvais timing car d’habitude je sors aider Sam à accoster. tant pis! Il devra s’arranger seul comme un bon capitaine (ce qu’il fit très bien!).

 

<Minute 1. Décompte de lavage = 1 couche, 5 lingettes , 1 piqué>

 

Pendant que je change Matey en vitesse turbo, je me dis que ça ferait bien mon affaire d’avoir Salty avec moi. Je lui demanderais de carrément pincer mon nez. Parlant d’odeur: comment ça se fait que ça pue AUTANT maintenant que Matey est tout frais pis propre…

 

-Salty…est-ce que tu as fait caca dans tes culottes?
-Nooooonnnnn…

 

Bien sûr, il y a un gros numero dos. Et pas n’importe quel je vous jure. Ça a complètement EXPLOSÉ. Le genre de moment qui vous fait regretter votre enthousiasme pour la bouffe Mexicaine de la veille.

 

<Minute 5. Décompte de lavage= 1 petite culotte, 1 couche, 11 lingettes, 3 piqués, 1 paire de pantalon, 1 paire de bas (voulez-vous bien m’expliquer comment…?), 1 tshirt, 2 guenilles>

 

Après que la marmaille soit changée, on sort du bateau. Il faut sortir pendant que l’employé remplis le réservoir de diesel.

 

PPRRRRRR……..

 

J’ai peur.

 

PPRRRRRR……..

 

C’est Matey. Il commence à pousser une nouvelle besogne. (Vraiment? Quelqu’un veut m’expliquer comment un si petit être humain peut stocker tout ça à l’intérieur?!)

Il pleurs vraiment mécontent. C’est rare et également un mauvais timing encore puisque je n’ai rien pour le changer à ce moment. Au moins, j’ai pensé apporter un snack pour lui avec nous:

 

-Ne t’inquiète pas, Mommy va te changer bientôt. Voilàààà Matey! Prend un peu de lait en attendant…
-Da..! DA!!!

 

Il boit frénétiquement. Ça le calme le temps de pouvoir retourner dans le bateau. Je me précipite dans la chambre de Salty pour y prendre une nouvelle couche sur la tablette. Je change Matey directement sur place.

 

<Minute 11. Décompte de lavage= 1 petite culotte, 2 couches, 15 lingettes, 4 piqués, 2 paires de pantalon, 1 paire de bas, 1 tshirt, 3 guenilles, 1 chandail à Cass (parce que fuite oblige…BEURK!) >

 

À ce moment de l’histoire, si vous trouvez que le lavage s’accumule vite, soyez attentif à la suite. Ça va aller vite!

 

Vroom. Un bateau à moteur passe assez vite et crée des bonnes vagues. Le bateau commence à tanguer et brasser l’estomac plein de notre petit Matey, qui devient vert à vue d’oeil.

 

-BLLUUUURRRRrrrrpppp…!!!

 

Il vomit: sur son chandail, sur ses jambes, sur mon chandail, sur mes jambes aussi, sur la couverture du lit de Salty. Il n’y a rien que je n’utilise pas pour tenter d’éponger. Piqués, guenilles, linge à vaisselle, couverture (celle qui n’est pas déjà souillée), mouchoirs, et encore plus de guenilles.

 

<Minute 16. Décompte de lavage = 1 petite culotte, 3 couches, 21 lingettes, 6 piqués, 3 paires de pantalon, 1 paire de bas, 1 tshirt, 8 guenilles, 1 chandail à Cass, 1 chandail à Matey, 1 paire de pantalon de Cass, 1 paire de soulier à Cass, 1 drap, 1 drap contour, 1 couverture, 1 sac de couchage, 3 linges à vaisselle, 2 malheureux toutous.>

 

Qui aurait cru que le lavage s’accumule autant en 16 petites minutes!

Cet après-midi là, le lavage était au menu. Quand on a terminé, j’ai conclus sur une note positive:

 

-CHECK ÇA! On a le montant EXACT d’épingles à linge qu’il nous fallait avec le paquet de plus que tu as acheté la semaine passée. BOUM! Pas besoin de stresser pour un paquet de plus. Et pis, ça valait pas non plus la peine de me faire la morale pour la petite épingle à linge que j’ai envoyé sans le vouloir à mon ami Mr.Poisson-poisson l’autre jour.  🙂

 

Salty nous interromps en criant de l’intérieur du bateau:

 

-Mommyyyyyy!!!!

-Quoi ma chouette?

-J’ai fait pipi dans mes culottes…

 

…Oh zut…  on est officiellement en pénurie d’épingles à linge. Et Sam a officiellement raison, ce qui est assez emmerdant en général.

 

Il hausse les sourcils et conclus à son tour avec un sourire:

 

-Oh Cass… appellerais-tu ton bon ami Mr.Poisson-poisson? Tu penses qu’il accepterait de nager jusqu’ici et nous prêter son épingle à linge?

 

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328 comments

  • Ginette November 17, 2017   Reply →

    Ouf! Une chance qu’il n’y a pas d’odeur sur le blog. Je crois que ça m’aurait pris une valise pleine de bonamine pour me rendre jusqu’au bout sans avoir plein de lessive à faire moi aussi. Hi! Hi! Hi!

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    Oh ! Je t’adore !!! Ta mère écrit bien, mais je crois que tu tiens ton talent de raconteuse de ton père; on croirait être là avec vous… T’aurais dû l’entendre me raconter sa première visite dans une mine quand il était jeune; c’était tellement épeurant que j’avais presque peur d’aller visiter la mine qu’il avait trouvée en Abitibi qui avait accepté de nous recevoir… Et pourquoi on pourrait pas dire ”Tel père, telle fille !” ? En tous cas, j’ai bien ri, hi ! hi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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